Monthly Archives: July 2015

Jul
30
  • WTF is Going On?

    Holy shit, am I the only one who believes the world is coming to an end? Jesus f-ing Christ. Between the gabillionth bizarro, sketchy cop brutality incident, Cecil the lion, Donald Trump asinine shit, human trafficking, sexual assault and murder of girls by boys (NOT adults), the Planned Parenthood/abortion debacle, it’s pushing me to the goddamn edge. What the hell is wrong with people? I mean, seriously. I know the news sensationalizes crap and chooses mostly negative stories to feed the fear engine, but STILL. Even if what I’m seeing is a super skewed, shitty version of news, each and every story is disturbing as hell. I am incredulous and disgusted each and every day by how fricking egregious all of this is. I mean, at this point, is it really any wonder that my parents are distrustful paranoid people who call to tell me to stay indoors after dark and not travel anywhere alone?? I am fed up. And yet, what am I personally going to do about it? Not a damn thing other than try to bury my head in the sand to get some respite. And that tactic only lasts for so long, bc my job requires that I follow all the news feeds. Argh. I know, Vicky’s in an awful shit mood again. What’s new, right? What can I say, if you want pandas and balloons and positivity, go elsewhere. Unapologetic like a boss!! :P

    In other news, day three and still no word from T-Mobile. I decided to log into my account tonight, and whaddya know? Fucking $410 in credits/adjustments with an updated balance due of $0. Gee, thanks for responding to my email/letter with an apology/explanation/ANYTHING letting me know that you’ve removed the charges. Here’s the thing about T-Mobile. Their concept of revolutionizing mobile? Awesome. In retrospect, I clearly fell for the marketing ploy, bc the execution? Totally misleading, dishonest, and 100% questionable.

    • First? Be straight up about your shit cell coverage. Those maps are a joke. I went to legit cities: DC, SF, Atlanta, LA. All spotty coverage. Mountain View was 4G on the map. All calls from home consistently dropped. I paid for a data package in Tokyo. Zippo service.
    • Then, the stupid early termination fee refund. Don’t have the process include a zillion steps, including forcing you to ship your phone in (instead of take it to the store). More hoops, more room for scamming.
    • Also, if you say you terminated my contract with Verizon, don’t do such a shoddy job that you actually DON’T cancel, and I end up still paying months’ worth of service.
    • Lastly, with the signal booster? I really wonder how many other customers are getting screwed with this “he said/she said” bullshit. How many people are 1) taking pics/documenting tracking numbers for packages they ship back and 2) following up later to ensure that they don’t get these bogus fees charged to their accounts? T-Mobile has an account with UPS. T-Mobile generated my shipping label for the return, and yet they insisted that they didn’t know the tracking number??! Like with all the automated/database systems, they couldn’t match a name/address to a tracking number?!? Fuck you, liars! My lesson here? If there are ever early flags in a new service/contract, get the hell out ASAP. Don’t give companies the benefit of the doubt, bc with T-Mobile, the shade just got worse and worse. And last year, they were actually busted by the FTC and ordered to pay $90M for unauthorized third party charges to customer bills. Flat out stealing, and yet, who’s going to jail for this? Not a damn soul.

    Ok, shifting to some positive things to report today. K and I went to the gym. I did my 27 minutes of activity, and then I was all proud of myself bc a song came on the radio and a gym goer went up to the front desk to ask if she knew the name of the song. She had no clue. Since I obviously eavesdropped, I jumped right in: “The song is ‘Hips Don’t Like’ by Shakira and Wyclef.” The kid was super grateful, and I thought to myself, “See, I am up on what’s happening!” I continued patting myself on the back and walked smugly over to K to share this wonderful example highlighting my relevance. Without a beat, she responded, “That song is REALLY old. It came out when I was in high school, circa 2005.” Way to take the wind out of my sails, buddy. Sigh. That’s what I get with radical honesty, which K has kindly agreed to adopt/implement only with me. Special treatment for a special bud. K knows her pop culture shit, but I was still kinda in disbelief about just how old that song was. So I just looked it up again. Yup, 2005. Fuck, man. And Shakira. It’s just not right how hot that woman is. And how the hell is she isolating the ab movements in that video?? I am perplexed. Regardless, I’m pretty damn sure she’s exercising longer than 27 minutes twice a week. :P

    What else. Oh, dad called tonight at 8:30p. Left a message saying he had just updated his new laptop to Windows 10, and now the interface is completely unrecognizable and hence unusable. Jesus fucking Christ. Windows 10 just came out YESTERDAY. It’s so damn new, I haven’t even updated my own shit, bc I wanted to wait a week or two to let Microsoft work out all the kinks. Now you see where I get my urgency/impatience. SMH. My father kills me. I seriously need to buy LogMeIn stock. That remote control software is a life. saver.

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Jul
29
  • Skating towards Salvation

    I have been so damn cranky these last few weeks. Of course, I’m thankful to have Bubbey home again, but at the same time, even he would agree that his re-assimilation back to suburban living has been challenging. I mean, who can blame him? Road-tripping across country, exploring new places, eating new foods vs. chores and tedious matters in an uninsulated house that is hotter than hell. To his credit, he’s working on getting back into the groove, so I’m hopeful things will get better.

    Meanwhile, some days my job just feels utterly intolerable. Not only is the content just not floating my boat, but goddamn, some of the people at the office just irk the living shit out of me. I know, as is, I am impatient as fuck, but come on, why can’t these people just stop annoying me?? :P Haha. Yeah, I’m feeling kinda harsh today. You’ll just have to deal.

    I was thinking about it more tonight, and you know what? I have never worked at a place where I jived with so few people. I know it’s only been 9 months, but at the fuel cell startup, I practically had 3-4 BFFs in that same amount of time! And I am still in touch with three of them today– like eight years later! I have yet to put a finger on the exact reason for disconnect: lifestyle, personality, hobbies… I don’t know. And I don’t think I’m overly demanding: I mean, I’m friends with a pretty broad set of people– oldies, youngin’s, people with kids. Whatever. Yes, clearly, I’m overthinking again. And to be fair, it’s also very likely that I’m just a different person than who I was in 2006. I mean, values/attitudes/perspectives can change dramatically over time, especially since I’m now entering my geriatric years.

    The point of all of this rambling is that I’m starting to experience anger and rage again. So, in an attempt to keep that explosive shit under control, I was doing the gym-at-lunch thing twice a week with my friend K (who btw works out hard the entire hour while I clock in exactly 20 minutes on the treadmill + 7 minutes for my workout app and the rest of the hour, I sit my lazy ass down on whatever equipment is not being used) and then rollerblading some days after work. Yeah, the FMD didn’t last after Bubbey came home. Still though, I like to be on some kind of program. Skating towards salvation maybe.

    In other news, I took another couple of years off my life feuding with a mobile phone company. Yup, earlier this month, I got a bill charging me $410 for an unreturned signal booster. Look fuckers: I merged phones in April, so I closed my line and shipped the signal booster back to you. I followed the tracking number, saw that the item delivered to the warehouse, and then deleted the tracking info bc the transaction loop was closed. Wrong! They insist that the equipment never delivered. So back and forth: I filed search requests, blah, blah. Weeks later, their “investigation” yielded the same goddamn result: no device. Fuck man, I am not paying $410 for some equipment that I needed only bc T-mobile lied to us at the store and on their coverage map. I was livid talking to a gabillion damn reps. Finally, I found my old picture of the shipping label. Thank freaking goodness. Bam: package delivered to warehouse. Fuck you, scammers!! I mean, wtf? So many experiences with no accountability. I sent in all the info via mail AND email. Two days later and still no reply. T-Mobile, don’t make me call your sorry ass again…

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Jul
20
  • Sleepless

    So it’s the night before Bubbey flies home, and although I tried really hard to get to bed early, my mind just will not. shut. off. After I was practically in a fit of rage yesterday about work, I wrote a blog post at night, hoping for some kind of therapeutic, calming effect. This morning, I went to work and felt ok about everything. I emailed my boss about some followup content for the post (that was requested by the other department). Done. Next.

    At lunch, our department had a nice summer luncheon with London broil and a solid spread. After the outing, I sat down to review the work of my interns. Once or twice my boss came by to chitty chat, but things are a little different now I suppose. I don’t know that the effects will be long lasting, but considering how pissed I was just the day before, I’ll give myself a few more days.

    Regardless, I know the answer. This evening, I went through every single contact in my LinkedIn connections. I noticed some interesting changes too: some people changed jobs; others are still unemployed; wow, some people I know are serial jumpers and you know what? Despite people’s judgements against “short-timers,” the jumpers are probably making way more bank. So it got me thinking: what’s even the point of one year? I mean, there isn’t any real hurry other than my intrinsic impatience, but one year is just as arbitrary as any timepoint. Whatever. One of the most interesting findings? My airplane bud L is no longer with that healthcare software startup in the city. I should have suspected something when he revealed he was like spending all this QT with the fam back East. I hope we can connect again this summer: he says he’ll be back in California at the end of July. In terms of what is next: I’ve got a few things on my list. I’m not opposed to private sector, but I do think I’d like to examine serving nonprofit clients working as a consultant at a software product company. We’ll see.

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Jul
17
  • Bump in the Road

    So I got super pissed off at work today. Despite kicking off my series of new programs last week, I had an exchange with my boss last night and this afternoon that just really made me want to hit eject on this goddamn place. (Yes, I know, I AM impatient just as many of you have said.) So my new programs (all started around the same time) include: K and I hitting the campus gym twice a week instead of once, the FMD diet (though not strictly enforced), and rollerblading several times a week with Marty (he’s slow and therefore off-leash). After wasting the two weeks prior, I was finally feeling this week like, “Yeah, let’s get back on the wagon!”

    Usually, I take great pride in my ability to spend time solo. I know, God forbid I ever admit to any kind of reliance or dependency on Bubbey, right? Well, the truth is, I really was handling everything just fine. I mean, the Marty maintenance was kind of intense, but I was getting all the details organized: the right combo of ingredients for his meals, the right mix of supplements, a cooking/meal prep schedule, the daily fluids intake… He visited the vet Sunday night, and the doctor suggested that I increase the fluids volume so I could decrease the frequency of pokes. I tried it earlier this week, but he just didn’t seem as good as he looked on the daily schedule. Right now, he is pooping and peeing regularly, drinking water on his own, and even having enough appetite to consume two hearty meals every day. Fingers crossed that this shit keeps up– forever.

    On my parents’ end of things, I ordered my dad a new laptop, it delivered this week, and Bubbey dropped in town to help with set up. Yesterday evening, dad called about a missing “forward” button with his email, and immediately, I noticed he was still using the OLD laptop. Fucking A!! He complained that the old one didn’t have sound and was super slow with startup, blah, blah, so I get him a brand new one and he doesn’t use it!! I was so annoyed, but whatever, I’ll give him a few days. In general though, things finally seemed to be on the upswing (I spoke with my grandparents on the phone, and they sounded great!), and with two days left until Bubbey’s return, positivity was creeping back into my life! Imagine that.

    Well, last night and this afternoon, my boss ticked me off with her office drama bullshit. Long story short, since I started here eight months ago, she’s always felt a need to meet with me before we’ve had meetings scheduled with other departments/teams across campus. In the beginning, I assumed that she was just being protective of my time, which is a good thing: You know, don’t agree to take on too many tasks/assignments from other people, and that way, we can maintain a manageable workload. I viewed this as her way of throttling work in my pipeline. Over time, however, I came to see that these “pre-meetings” were actually way more political. I understand that I work under her, and that I serve the central marcom office. I get that there are other forces at the institution that perhaps might have thoughts and ideas about how our social media efforts can serve them. The thing is, I have decent social skills. I’m not a world-class social intelligence expert like Bubbey is, but I’ve read a LOT and I’ve subjected myself to a lot of social scenarios to build my real-life experience. I know how to collaborate and get along with all kinds of people, at all levels, and from different backgrounds. Being a female engineer in college and beyond, and having worked with solid waste engineers and landfill operators (predominantly old, white men) in the South, plus having my other work experiences in different industries and countries and whatever… I can fucking hold my own!

    Long story short, what I had previously read as protective, I now view as territorial, competitive, and distrustful. As I have been trying to build connections and reach out to other departments across campus, she keeps reiterating our priorities and our own work. Not very collaborative. And worse than that, maybe she thinks she’s letting me in on the history/background of relationships, but it’s coming across like a ton of extraneous bullshit. And you know what? This paranoid and neurotic mentality reminds me an awful lot of my parents, with their constant warnings of danger and sabotage. I don’t live with those shit-colored lenses. I like to trust people and believe people, and you know what? I’m almost 40-fucking-years-old, and it has YET to burn me. That’s not to say, I’m a fucking oblivious dumbass, refusing to recognize potential risk and danger. I have awareness, but I’m not going to look for devious intentions unless I have reason to. So our conversation today surrounded one particular person in our office. He’s not popular, and multiple people have warned that he has self-serving intentions. Seriously, I could care less if other people are super ambitious in this workplace. Go for it. I have no movement up, and I could care less for me, but if you have the drive and interest, have at it! Anyway, I really felt like she was telling me who to like and who to dislike. I have my own interactions with people, and I make my own goddamn decisions. That’s not to dismiss what she has experienced and what she has witnessed for her… she can think whatever the fuck she wants, but don’t dictate how I ought to judge and characterize people. First of all, I have realized that other people and I frequently have different perceptions/attitudes/reactions. For example, while my parents would argue that so-and-so’s actions were done out of spite or jealousy or ill-will, I might not have read the scenario the same way. And I can say, so many times when I was growing up, my mother interpreted my actions to stem from x or y emotion. Maybe she was right in her assessment early on, when I was a child. But later, after I became an adult, my mother constantly applied those same filters to my behavior even when my intentions and motivations were completely different. It’s kind of like, once you decide you dislike someone, everything they do is then viewed with a negative lens. I feel like my boss has decided that she dislikes a bunch of people/departments/units at work. And no matter what, it’s as if I have to adopt her same read on those people. Sure, she might have legit reasons for feeling x about certain people. But don’t fucking insist that  I adopt your filters. And if it’s a loyalty issue, screw that. Loyalty, especially in the workplace, is dead. The only thing that I carry with me from one place to another is the quality of my work, my work ethic, my integrity, and my relationships. And I decide all of those things for me. Yeah, can you tell I’ve been bullied in my past? This shit is a deal. breaker.

    But whatever. Like an adult, I am trying to calm the fuck down bc yes, my boss is supportive, and yes, she has championed me in the past. Her style just is NOT my style. But heck, she’d better tone it the hell down, bc I’ve been listening to all this poison for eight months, and it’s really testing my patience.

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Jul
12
  • Sunday Funday

    Before John left for his trip, I had fully intended to have a very packed and busy next three weeks. In my head, every weekend was going to be scheduled out with social activities, plus biking, singing, music, wining and dining, etc. Well, now I’m two weeks in, and I’ve actually been rather anti-social, opting instead to spend more time at home with Marty. He’s doing ok, but there have definitely been some days where his appetite was nonexistent and he just looked really off. That said, I still tried to get out of the house somewhat: I visited with J&J over July 4, did the Ninja Warrior gym thing with M, had dinner recently with T, and then lunch with D… so a decent amount of human interaction. Just not as much as I had originally planned. But it’s all good.

    Last night, I watched that movie “He’s Just Not Into You.” I love watching relationship movies, esp on my own, bc I can overanalyze and overthink every little detail. The movie has a ton of stars in it, and it isn’t spectacular or a masterpiece by any means, but I still came away with some learning points (of course). After the movie, Marty and I debriefed with a discussion. ;)

    Speaking of Marty, he finished up his antibiotics last Monday, July 6. Since then, he’s been far less consistent. He got sick of eating chicken, so over the weekend, I switched over to ground beef. I’m still trying to give him other nutrients by mixing in some sweet potato, but he’s been spitting that crap out. Picky bastard. Yesterday, I pressure cooked the crap out of the yams and now they are totally mashed in with the meat. Two can play at this game, Marty. I want to make sure he gets enough calories, bc we gotta keep the pounds on.

    Meanwhile, I got sucked into a PBS show yesterday afternoon about Haylie Pomroy’s Fast Metabolism Diet. I’d never heard about this program before but I got all inspired, so I downloaded a few freebie kindle books on it, and what the heck: let’s give this a go! Yup, I’m getting back on a program or two or three! Haha. Last night I also reinstated my sleep program and pulled out all the goods: Sleepy Time tea,  lavender essential oil, melatonin, zinc, and Meditation Oasis. Unfortunately, I think the tea tree oil/moisturizer mix I used (to improve my complexion) totally thwarted my sleep efforts, bc tea tree oil also energizes and awakens. Damnit. Yeah, I went to bed before 11, but I didn’t zonk out until after 1. Oh well, try again tonight.

    But back to the FMD. Today, I went to the store and bought sprouted bread for the first time ever. WTF is this shit? I have no idea, but this early on, don’t ask questions: just follow the damn directions. So I picked up some other products I don’t ever buy, including rice milk, turkey sausage, and egg whites. Interestingly, I think my parents are on some version of this FMD, bc some of the shit sounded familiar (especially eating fruit within 30 min of waking up). Anyway, after combing through the e-books, I think my biggest challenge will be no dairy. I mean, we’ll see. I know, it’s only Day 1, and I’m going to try my best to follow the plan, but I also believe in moderation. It’s not like I’m trying to drop 20-40 lbs or whatever, so let’s not go totally bat shit crazy. My goal is to try and eat healthier so I feel more energetic.

    What else. My favorite accomplishment from the weekend? I busted out my Rollerblades! Fuck man, I’d forgotten how much fun it is to cruise around on wheels. I took Marty next door to the park/elementary school, and after a while, he got tired and just plopped down under a tree. But that didn’t stop me. I continued zooming around on the blacktop. There’s a shit ton of debris out there, and the pavement is definitely rougher than my old skating stomping grounds (corporate parking garage with ultra smooth concrete), but hell, we’ll work with what we have. Time to make this a weekly activity!

    Ok, well it’s been three hours since my last snack. Time for my FMD dinner: grain, veggie, fat/protein. Let’s try this sprouted bread.

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Jul
11
  • Destination Reached

    Bubbey finally reached his destination (Maryland) on Friday. Yup, exactly two weeks on the road: 4500 miles and 14 states. So while he’s been out frolicking, I’ve pretty much been a boring homebody. My original plan was actually to try and catch up on my sleep. Sadly, my sleep quality still sucks. I feel like I just squandered two weeks of time that I should have used to get back on a program. Goddamnit. Oh well, no point crying over what’s done and over.

    On the plus side, Marty made it two weeks and I was able to catch up with some of my long lost buds. At work, things have slowed down over the summer… finally. I am liking my new summer interns, and I’m taking some time now to review metrics and vendor products. The division and school have also held a number of appreciation/newbie welcoming lunches, which have been nice. We certainly never got this much food/drink at the government agency.

    On Thursday, we had a division offsite retreat, which I helped to organize. Yes, can you believe, I (of all people) was invited to be on the “fun” committee? I think people just automatically assume social media = fun. Little do they know… This time around, the duties pretty much just entailed me going on a Costco and Target run and then arriving early and staying late the day of. The venue was nestled up in the woods– a place I’d never been. Very cool spot, except for the damn kids running rampant for summer camp.

    On Friday, the day after, the office was pretty dead. And the people who did go into work weren’t motivated at all. I mean, I’m kinda tight ass about my work, so I was still trying to get SOME shit done. Meanwhile, T was like calling the cable company negotiating discounts with her fucking office door open. Seriously. I mean, I have no issue about having to take care of some personal business during office hours, but at least try to be discreet. Do you have to have everyone in on what you’re doing? And then afterwards, don’t come into my office complaining about how you have no work to do. The thing about some of these office newbies: they make it seem like the reason they have no work is because they are super efficient, and the veteran workers just take forever with their tasks. Ok, people. Maybe you are super speedy and efficient and productive. Good for you. But it COULD also be that you aren’t being given enough fucking work. If you’re working less than 40 hours/week, then you’re not full-time. Period. Stop making it seem like you’re some superstar worker. Granted, their managers need to adjust their responsibilities or whatever but still, all this fluff talk just irks my nerves. I mean, my interns probably work more hours. Anyway… that’s the thing about this workplace. It’s not that the people there aren’t nice. They’re very warm and friendly: I just don’t jive with them (except my bud K)– chalk it up to different work styles, lifestyles, interest areas, communication styles, or whatever. Like on Friday afternoon, a bunch of people were gathered in the office common area listening to music from the 80s or 90s and dancing. I mean, I was still trying to get work done! Yeah, I know. It’s Friday: chill the fuck out. I just ended up leaving the office. I wasn’t about to throw myself into a dance off. I’m down with hanging with my coworkers, but I’m NOT down with hanging with them in that manner. Yes, I’m selective and again, unapologetic about it. Sorry folks, you don’t make the inner circle cut. And I probably don’t make your cut either. Whatever though. Social exclusion doesn’t bother me.

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Jul
6
  • Holding Down the Fort

    So Bubbey’s been on the road now for about ten days. I’m doing well: getting the hang of things. I’ve had Marty on a special homemade diet of chicken, sweet potatoes, cheerios, and cottage cheese (thank goodness for the pressure cooker!), and along with the daily fluids and supplements, he seems to be doing well. His coat is back to a shine, and he is pretty energetic at the park. What a relief, bc that has really been my biggest stressor. Fortunately, his current state gives me some breathing room, so I’m trying to get my own anxiety back in check: I’m going to the gym once a week with my office bud K, and slowly but surely, I’m just trying to move more. Exercise always helps stem the neuroses.

    In other news, the chatterbox colleague at work got pissed at me. A few weeks ago, I was meeting with my boss in my boss’ office, and we were talking about work (not that it really matters). In her usual m.o., T just walked right into the room and asked what we were talking about. I mean, who interrupts two people who are clearly having a private conversation in a private office? The thing is, she knows exactly what she’s doing too, bc she made a comment that she “barged” in on us. I then promptly agreed, saying “Yeah, you did.” She essentially took over the conversation, so then I left. A few minutes later, she came into my office and said she was mad at me. I was like, “What are you talking about?” She was mad that I had agreed with her comment!! Ugh, are you fucking kidding me? I mean, SHE made the observation; SHE committed the act; I just agreed and what, I wasn’t supposed to? Fucking annoying bullshit drama. Whatever though. I wasn’t about to apologize for that shit. The nerve.

    A few days after that, two people were in my office with the door closed. We were having a conversation, shooting the shit, whatever. T comes by and tries to open the door. I look up and don’t do anything, bc there are two people in my office and the door is closed. Like, hello, I’m busy: come back later. So then she makes eye contact with H, points to him and then points to herself, which I read as “come see me when you’re done.” She left, and we resumed. Well, as soon as H got out of my office, she went to him and was all like, “Why don’t people like me?” And she was pissed that I was mean to her. Meanwhile, did she approach me about any of this? Nope. Didn’t even have the nerve to tell me to my face. Seriously, I don’t have time for middle school drama like that. Be a fucking adult. Behave like you have professional awareness and courtesy. Don’t just insert yourself with every instance. After that, she was out of the office for a week. Thankfully, since returning, she’s mostly left me alone. I mean, had she come to complain to me, I would have told her: please don’t barge in every time I’m in a conversation with someone: it’s rude and immature. But I suppose now she doesn’t like me, so same end but different means. Whatever. I’m not trying to be snobby, but most people who reach their 40s have dealt with being unpopular at some point in their lives. I would hope that by now, working adults like T could handle NOT being included in every single conversation or social activity. Hello, life skills.

    Speaking of friends, I received an email recently from my former coworker J. Yes, the dude who pissed me off at the end of March (I’m good with dates) when he bailed last minute on lunch plans. Interestingly, his email asked 1) if we were still friends and 2) was it something he said? the lack of response with email? the bailing on lunch? Clearly, the dude has legit social awareness. The thing is, my last workplace was a really important time and place in my life. Even though I left by choice, I felt a lot of grief leaving the place and the people. And already, I’d been feeling disappointed about all the friendships there that pretty much died due to lack of effort. Yes, like father, like daughter: I had expectations that people were going to stay in touch. I’m still in touch with my closest friends there, but even for the friends one circle out, I expected SOMEthing. Instead, I got nada. My thing about relationships and effort: I do feel like some things aren’t supposed to be demanded: some things should just be given by the other person out of their love for you. I believe this to be true in marriage and in friendship. Maybe that’s unfair. My therapist used to tell me that people aren’t mind readers. Still, I feel like if there is ever any one quality/characteristic that draws me to another person, fundamentally, it is SOME base level of awareness and consideration.

    As a child, my grandmother and mother always favored my brother, and so many times, I pointed out the imbalance of attention, but ultimately, being petulant never changed their behavior. Eventually, I just learned to not rely or even care about their attention. In retrospect, that’s one thing that’s made me fiercely independent. And extrapolating that a bit into adulthood, I think with adult relationships, there’s more clarity on what’s at stake. I’m not comfortable clamoring for someone to “spend time with me.” We’re married or we’re friends, and I have my limits. I’m not the goddamned Giving Tree. You gotta pay to play. But I digress… So anyway, J reached out. His email showed that he already had a sense for what was up. I confirmed his suspicions replying, “all of the above.” Yeah, I had stopped investing, bc I wasn’t getting anything in return and that hurt my feelings. I get it: life is busy and complicated with lots of responsibilities and schedule demands. I try really hard to give people the benefit of the doubt, but in this case, the repeated rejection and lack of reciprocity just finally got to me. And the disappointment compounded with all the other disappointment made me very sad. That said, this is life. Relationships evolve, and it is what it is. By now, I’ve processed the loss. He replied with an apology and said he was trying… I’m not holding my breath. Friends for a reason; friends for a season; friends for a lifetime. Or as Bubbey likes to put it: active vs. dormant. I’m glad J reached out, bc I value the radical honesty, but… we’ll see what’s next.

    Meanwhile, my bud M is a fitness nut. She’s obsessed with that show, American Ninja Warrior. Homegirl researched a legit ninja gym and discovered that the closest one with the obstacles is in Concord. On Sunday, I’d gotten up early. I was in power pill mode, so by 11 am, I had done laundry, made a fresh batch of food for Marty, swept, vacuumed, and mopped. M emailed me at noon, saying the gym ran classes and open gym on Sunday. We decided to just go spur of the moment. Yup, I scooped her up in San Mateo and off we went. The class wasn’t too bad: we just did some warm up drills and then the teacher (owner/ANW competitor) showed us a few stations. In all, we were there for THREE hours. Yup, like serious meatheads. Indeed, I saw a lot of buff bods there. Holy fuck, these parkour/ninja people are intense. I sweated my brains out, but it was fun. If anything, we captured some awesome pics and videos that are great for laughs. M is a beast. She made it to the top of the wall like 4 times. I got stuck, squirming and dangling for an eternity until a helpful gent gave me a boost. Holy fuck, the ninjas have crazy finger/arm strength. We had a great time, but at the end, we concluded that we needed to train up on our own and achieve a base level of fitness before hitting up more of those obstacles. I’m sure M will get there soon. On the other hand, I’m happy just to clock in a few thousand steps a day. Manage those expectations, goddamnit.

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