Swift Kick in the Ass

There’s nothing like a visit to the parentals and in-laws to give J and me that super swift kick in the ass. If we were draggin’ butt these last couple of months (or last year), all we really needed was to see firsthand the consequences of inaction, paralysis, denial, and mental/emotional defeat. With his parents, life could be so much easier for them: they and the kids have resources to provide services to help them be more comfortable: shopping services, food/meal services, cleaning services… but help is refused. With my parents, my father was sick and that in turn led to overthinking (sound familiar) and depression. He is that classic case of perfectionism where happiness depends on other people. I know, because I am often that person. I hold off on being happy until everyone and everything around me is just about right. He doesn’t state the culprits, but when pushed, he alludes and I know exactly one of the factors that makes him feel so unfulfilled. One of his life goals will just never be met.

I don’t know what else can really be said or done about my parents not becoming grandparents. As I’ve mentioned time and time again, I’m not going to take on parenting for other people. I just will not. And I have apologized for this before, but I’m not going to apologize for it again. I know this sounds harsh, but quite honestly, this is simply something they have to get over. I know it’s not easy, but that’s the only solution.

After we returned to California, there was an entire series of annoying events, but I tried really hard to keep my spirits up, because after spending a few days with poo poo dad, I realized this Debbie Downer bullshit just doesn’t do anything for anyone. The misery only spreads. First, the donut tire was a major pain. We had to take El Camino all the way down the peninsula; of course, not before trying to coordinate an exchange (our Marty for her iPhone left in the rental car) with my sis-in-law. It took a long time to meet up at the correct location. Then, we were starved and all the food spots closed, so we had to hit BK. Disgusting. When we got home, I noticed that Marty’s coat was total shit (after just six days?), and he was itching again like crazy. WTF??? Then, there were other discoveries: my Christmas tree was oddly ajar: on closer inspection, my handmade tree topper WoolBuddy was gone (later found destroyed), and a bunch of branches were all crushed and shit (fake tree). Turns out my sis-in-law’s dog J got into my tree. Of course, no word/report from the sitter the entire time we were gone except that the dogs went on walks. I had even checked in with her once or twice via text, and the replies were always super short: everything is fine. Meanwhile, spooky, skittish, itchy Marty is back. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I was pretty cranky on returning home.

The next day, I tried to start over on the right foot. I did some online car research, tried to reorganize shit, do some laundry. Well, by late morning, after my shower and a load of laundry, both bathrooms and the washer/dryer area were totally flooded. Are you fucking kidding me? Thankfully, I found a good local plumbing company. They were swamped with calls, but fortunately, I was the last accepted call for the day. The dude cleared our sewer backup by snaking from the roof! Fine, whatever. He got us back up and running again, and then I had a shit ton of laundry to do, because we sacrificed a bunch of towels to soak up that mess.

In the evening, we finally left the house to test drive some cars. For some reason, all along I’d been super indecisive about car shopping. I pretty much hated my Honda Civic Hybrid from the time I got it (although it DID get me into the carpool lane when I had that job in Fremont), and for the last year plus, J started pushing hard for me to get something else. It just has a really herky-jerky ride, and I’d taken it in for service and done all the maintenance. J blames its shit quality on being the first time Honda implemented the hybrid technology. Anyway, after the tire blew out on Christmas Eve, I realized that all the tires would need replacing. Plus, who knows how much longer the hybrid battery will last. Yup, time for a new car. So what was next? I was all over the damn place: VW, Hyundai, Mini, BMW, Lexus. There were just so many factors to weigh, and I couldn’t get my priorities straight. I had test driven the VW and Hyundai a few months back. The Jetta and CC were underwhelming and kinda noisy. The GTI was super fun but loud. The Hyundai Sonata was pretty basic– very economical and practical, but boring. This time, I like the Mini, but there was still too much engine noise, and the four-door was super tight in the back. I then test drove the BMW 328i. Pretty responsive and fun. I could really go there if it weren’t for the deluxe “image” issue that I always try to avoid. And the sales agent was super lame. The next day (December 31), I test drove the Lexus IS250, and it was freaking awesome: super quiet, smooth, and powerful, but the mpg wasn’t so great AND they didn’t have the color I wanted. The sales agent also really knew his shit. So I was down to two. Ultimately, I decided on the BMW. We then went back to the lame dealership after doing some online research and finding his “best deal” from the day before sufficient, but then he rescinded the offer saying holiday incentives expired December 29. WTF? So we headed to the Fremont dealership, and finally, after an entire day (there HAS to be an easier way to get a car!!) we got ‘er done at 10p on NYE: BMW 328i in imperial blue. We’re doing the lease option for the first time ever. Kinda counter to how we usually roll, but I did some research, and we’re giving it a go! Honestly, the car feels WAY too fancy for me, but dang, it’s a nice ride with some umph (haha!). And she sure is a beauty!

So yesterday, I was already starting to get all paranoid about not wanting to ding/scratch her (who knows what BMW would consider wear/tear at the end of the lease), so I was like procrastinating with driving. J reminded me that a car is meant to be driven. It’s not a museum piece. It’s not a collector’s item. Drive the fucking car, and appreciate the engineering, the design, the ride. My Bubbey– he’s so wise. I have to say, all the bells and whistles are quite nice– with small touches like backlit door handles and sensors for handfree trunk access. Of course, I still have occasional unhelpful thoughts like I don’t deserve it; I’m not worth it; blah, blah, blah. I guess I’ll continue to have those thoughts, but I’m going to proceed anyway!

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