Good News, Bad News

Oh, the drama continues… I know, right after I’ve been telling you that I need to pipe my shit down. Well, new developments. So you know how I’ve been busting ass with these job center workshops and such, right? So last week, I sent off a few new job applications (where I applied my new “tricks”), and I also circled back with some past contacts. One role was a digital communications position with a national environmental advocacy group in SF. Another was a communications manager job with a grantmaking organization across the street from my former workplace. A third was a remote technical project management gig for a consulting firm that works with nonprofit clients. The good news? I got two bites out of three. Kind of. I have a phone interview for the grantmaking org this week. Then, my contact at the consulting firm got back to me, saying I’d be great for their PM role, but they weren’t currently recruiting. Needless to say, I was feeling awesome, especially because I got a bite soon after optimizing my resume and cover letter, you know? Like the response really affirmed that my changes were moving in the right direction.

Then today, I had an info interview call. The lady is a super star big wig, recommended by my friend L. In the last several months, we had tried a number of times to meet up, but in the end, I was lucky enough to score a phone call. By now, I’ve done a shit ton of info interviews, and I seriously researched her background and read her articles and prepped for the conversation. But I dunno whether I was super intimidated or what… it did not go well. I tried really hard to have an agenda for our allotted 30 minutes (I didn’t want to waste her time), but I dunno what happened. The conversation did not flow at all, and in the end, I felt like my questions just came across totally random and stupid. All those social intelligence classes, all those books on how to talk with anyone, all those info interview articles… my gut felt awful, and I think it’s safe to say, I have a pretty good read of situations these days. Those two job interviews where I didn’t close the deal? I had a sense even before the news was formalized.

So wtf happened? It reminds me of that time when my friend D was dating that girl L. On paper, everything about her was fabulous. I was so ready for her to be my next BFF. And then, there just was no chemistry. Maybe my questions were lame or too open-ended? Sigh. I mean, I still walked away with some helpful info and practices, so I’m trying not to get totally down about it, but damn, a part of me really feels like I came across unprepared and just plain dumb!!! And now what will she say to L? How does that change what he thinks of me? How does this change the mentorship role for which I have already designated him? Ugh, ugh, ugh. I have a sinking feeling right now…  how/why did I fuck that up???? Inhale, exhale.

Surprisingly, my optimistic side keeps saying to me, “resiliency.” That’s the difficulty of dealing with people, right? You win some, you lose some. You connect immediately with some, but you scramble awkwardly with others. Chalk it up and move on.

So this brings to mind something else I’ve been thinking about lately. I have many friends with whom I am extremely close. We get along super well; yet they have friends with whom I don’t connect at all. Similarly, I have other friends with whom they don’t connect. There’s something weird about association: just because two people jive really well together, there’s no guarantee that their connections will share that same level of stickiness. For example, my friend J. After he went to another job, our communications waned over time, and I remember complaining about it to my friend T. She would just say that he was a boy– typically lazy and prone to giving minimal effort. She also said that through her interactions with him, he was always a bit on the cagey side, that he was really difficult to know because he was so guarded. And she’s said that about another new friend of mine, A, with whom I’ve felt pretty easily connected. Same deal: difficult to read. I agree, there are definitely times when A doesn’t seem exactly the same page, but I have never really felt uncertain, you know? I mean, even with my close friends (except maybe N), there are times when there’s a disconnect or disjoint in terms of understanding intention and meaning and such but… Anyway, it’s an interesting observation, and maybe it just reinforces what happened today. I was so convinced that because this woman was a friend of L’s, we would hit it off instantly. Sigh. Man, human interactions are frickin’ complicated!! I need to go rest my brain now.

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