Bad Vibes

I am feeling so frustrated today. Last night, I was feeling negative vibes coming on, and I thought maybe today would just be a rest day. But then I got up this morning thinking that I should stop feeling so damn sorry for myself.

Honestly, I dunno what the hell happened. I was just in NC for two weeks, where I had a great time hanging with N, learning tons at Duke, and making new friends. I was feeling energized like I had a path forward. And then, I guess I didn’t hear back regarding a few info interview requests; I didn’t get bites (yet) for a few job apps; and I can’t seem to connect with anyone here again. Busy, busy and next thing I know, Marty is really my only companion these days.

My birthday came and went… and while I got lots of notes and messages, I didn’t get any cards… well, namely from Bubbey. Before I had left, he asked if I wanted to do a party or whatever. I just felt like it was too much work. Then, he’s been working crazy hours on a programming project. Really major hours. But still, I was really disappointed not to find a card in my suitcase or on the nightstand after I got home… it just made me feel really sad. I try not to be a demanding spouse, and I’m trying to be understanding with his job, but I’m bummed about it! And since I’ve been back, I have mentioned it a few times. Three days later, and still no card. Again, I chastise myself for having the expectations– even if I feel they are small ones. Remember how Bubbey said it was a totally bad idea to bring up “lack of attention or effort” to my friend? Well, maybe this is a similar case: I’m doing my best. So fine, I have to try not to care about the silly card.

Meanwhile, I’m trying to seek companionship and consistency and reliability elsewhere. Maybe from some of my newer friends, like S from the Duke class. She’s flying up from San Diego to be a camp counselor for the Children’s Skin Disease Foundation in Livermore next week, so I’m going to go visit. On Sunday, my friend B made a deal with the hubby to watch the kids, so we’re gonna go all out crazy. Cougar crazy. Haha, just kidding.

Interestingly, my friend J, whose long silence really upset me, texted a message asking if we were on emailing/speaking terms. Weird, right? That’s why I feel like he is actually a super sensitive person… not meaning thoughtful of me but just that he DOES have an awareness of situations, that things are different from before, you know what I mean? On the advice of others, I had just let that one go… I was getting busier and busier, and I guess I made a conscious decision not to┬áprioritize there. It sounds like he is still super overwhelmed with fatherhood and work. I always feel such a strong pull to solve my friends’ problems. But I dunno. I’m feeling a little at the end of the string myself these days, so maybe I just have to conserve energy and refocus.

While I was out in NC, I received a text from my plane friend, L. He said he hadn’t heard from me in a while, and he just wanted to make sure everything was ok. Such a sweet gesture. I don’t mean to gush, but this guy is just my kinda person. During my layover in Dallas, I sent him a quick email telling him about the Duke program and that I was finally scheduled to meet with his friend, a high-powered female executive whom he thought I should contact, and the dude replied in like two hours. And he always replies that promptly. I know, I’m so damn particular, aren’t I? In my defense, I’ll bet other people are just as particular but about other things, and they just don’t write about it on a public blog. Haha. Oh well. This makes me think of a term one of the teachers used in the class last week: Homophily. We are drawn to people who are like ourselves.

I busted out my rollerblades for the first time in two years today. I was trying to work off my frustration. It didn’t really help since I’m writing my little tell-all right now. :)

Yesterday, I went to the job training center in Sunnyvale. A friend had recommended the place saying that I was doing all the right things on my job hunt, but maybe the advisors could help me tweak my resume a bit more for the area market. So fine. Sat in on an orientation and a resume class. Apparently, employers spend LESS THAN 30 secs per resume, so it’s not really an opportunity to be creative. It’s just 1, 2, 3, done. So that’s annoying. And same with the cover letters. I read the samples from the class and honestly, I thought they were lame. Sterile even, but whatever. Guess I should listen to the experts. So today, I reworked my resume, and I have an appointment tomorrow with the advisor.

Meanwhile, I’m still handling contracts and scheduling for the ranch. It’s fine, but now I’m really using it as experience. So far, because of my new contracts,I’ve brought in 100 new kids to the ranch. Ironically, I myself haven’t been riding since March. Maybe the cowgirl is no longer in me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *