Full of Hatred

Wow, first week of June is over already. Shit, who the hell can keep up???

Well I had a coaching call this week; I submitted for three new jobs; I had another info interview, and then on Wednesday night, I flew out to NC. It’s been so great seeing my buddy N again. I was just in Wilmington, NC last September, and when I left, I really didn’t know when I would see N again, much less be back in NC. Thankfully, we have reunited sooner than later. The big news? N reached her target weight. Holy crap, she is a skinny mini. I mean, even from September, the transformation is huge. I am so proud of her. It really has been a long and arduous journey fighting her way back from rock bottom, and I know that each day is still a struggle. That’s what is so inspiring about her story: this is a constant struggle and an ongoing work in progress. I’m motivated by her courage and diligence.

Just like last time, as soon as I got off the plane, we were back in sync. My first day here went great. We had dinner with her mom and several college buds at a very nice spot by the riverwalk downtown. Then we came home, and she nearly whooped my ass with ping pong. I know, whitey’s suddenly got game!! Shit. Thankfully, I managed to rally by the end of the night and tie up the games at 3-3. I’m gonna have to pull out all the stops for the match game. For reals.

By evening, I was pooped, so I went to bed around 1 a.m. Yup, this good streak was not to last long. Why?

Because at 4 a.m., my mobile phone started buzzing nonstop. WTF? At first, I was really worried that maybe it was some emergency in the middle of the night. Nope, it was just my brother writing me on FB messenger, and by default, that shit is NOT muted on my phone. So every single line of text resulted in a buzz. What was so fucking important? Nothing. Nothing at all: just more of his religious indoctrination bullshit: Come meet my master, and change your life for the better. After an entire paragraph of this nonsense, I let it rip. I started replying in real time: I don’t believe in your newfound cleansing and purity, and I sure as hell am not going to listen to this proselytizing. I mean, seriously, does your master endorse bullying and harassment and blackmail? I won’t go into the details to support my choice of terms, but I’m only telling it like it is: when people say no, they mean no, so back the hell up.

In reply, he asked how any of this was considered bullying. Either you’re playing dumb, or you really are clueless. Why don’t you ask every family member in Taiwan who has attended your intro religious meeting and refused to join how they feel? Do you and your cronies even know what choice means? Do you know the difference between yes, no, and maybe? Stupid fuck. Then he went into an entire tirade calling me self-righteous, and who am I to judge and condemn him. Um, I’m sorry, but do you live in the real world or what? We make decisions every damn day based on people’s actions. I don’t give a goddamn iota whether or not you think I have “the right.” I certainly don’t wait for your sorry ass to tell me what is or is not acceptable. It is my choice to disagree and reject your annoying “suggestions” on how to live my life.

Oh, I had a lot to say, and he asked with such incredulity, “How can you say things like that to me? You are so hateful.” Wow, really? You are going to turn this onto me? After all the past and present pain you put my family through, you’re going to criticize me for calling you on your bullshit?? Boy, you are barking up the wrong tree. I can rattle off example after example of your selfishness, your entitlement, your misogyny, and your manipulation… an entire lifetime full of toxic sludge. No, I am not perfect. I’ve done immature, hurtful, spiteful, and mean things in my life. In many ways, I was a mean girl. But I can live with how I conduct myself and how I live my life.

Don’t mention your scammer of a shifu (master) to me anymore, because I will blow this situation completely out of the water. Go back to your den of denial and lies. You don’t seek the truth at all.

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